This is the time of the year when people often contemplate their New Year’s Resolutions. I, also, have made New Year’s resolutions every year. Sometimes, my resolutions were as trivial as “Don’t tremble your legs”, or “Don’t make wrinkles between your eyes”. Sometimes, they were as idealistic as “Lose weight as much as 10 pounds” or “Read one book per week”. Other times, they were as clingy as “Say out loudly to your husband and your son, “I love you” once a day”.
Today, I want to share one of my past New Year’s resolutions which was the most bold and meaningful in her life so far. Her speech is titled “An Audacious New Year’s Resolution for my entire life.”
Picture a ten-year old girl sitting quietly in a classroom full of many babbling kids. The history teacher is asking a question to the kids. More than half of the kids are raising their hands, shouting “me!” “me!” “me!” as if they would rather choose to die when they failed to gain the teacher’s attention.
This quiet girl, however, stays still, riveting her eyes to the desk, and of course, not raising her hand. She endeavors to eschew eye contact with the teacher. She is filled with dread when the teacher designates her to answer the question. Her heart is beating so loudly that she thinks the kids sitting next to her can hear it, and her cheeks are already blushing as red as an apple. She is even wishing that she could have a super power to disappear or transport herself to somewhere else.
You know what? It was me a few decades ago. — the girl who never talked at all unless she was asked to do so. I continued to behave like that until I was 25 years old.
Now, however, I am the person who tries to initiate a conversation, the person who invites other people to do things together like go camping or hiking, and the person who is struggling with the monotonous and uneventful COVID lifestyle, more than anyone else, I think.
Can you imagine that these two opposite personalities belonged to the same person?
Here, I’d like to talk about one of my past New Year’s resolutions which has been the most audacious and meaningful one in my entire life so far.
It was the year when I turned 26 years old. I was still a quiet and shy student, and my shyness became inconceivably greater than ever before when I moved to the states to study. I was overwhelmed by self-consciousness and it was exacerbated by the language barrier.
On the first day of that year, a question was cast to me. “You have lived one third of your life in a way that you hate. Do you want to continue to live your life in the same way — for the rest of your life?” I answered back to myself, “No. No way. Never. I woefully, woefully loathe this part of me. I want to be another person.”
Then, I mused for a long time / about how I could change myself to the way I wanted to be, and came up with a daring idea — Let’s be born again!
How?
First of all, I visualized the future me — the character I wanted to be. This person should proactively approach people with friendly greetings, initiate conversations not only with her friends but also with strangers, create social events, and invite her friends.
Secondly, I took a bold step in order to realize my “Born Again” project. I relocated myself to a new environment / where I could be literally reborn.
I chose a graduate school located in a city where no one knew me. I even made a decision to temporarily live separately from my husband. When I moved to that place where everything was new and no one knew my past self, I felt a kind of “absolute freedom” to transform myself to whomever I wanted to be.
From day one, I acted totally differently from how my past self did. I busily knocked on each door in the dormitory where I had just moved in, and I introduced myself to the other dorm students. I offered to have dinner together or asked them to go jogging with me. Whenever my past shy self was about to stick out her head, I repeatedly bewitched myself, to remind me that I was no longer that shy and unconfident person, and I was now a totally different person.
Thirdly, I came up with action-items that were measurable and tangible as possible. One of them was to ask a question or make a comment in each and every single class that I was taking at school.
I always raised my hand earlier than any other students to volunteer for a team project or presentation. Obviously, I had to study extraordinarily hard to keep up with all of my classes. I often stayed up very late at night to study, and I slept only three or four hours a day. After I practiced this at-least-one-comment-per-class thing for one year, just like magic, I found that I have now become a confident and outgoing person — someone who was born-to-be social.
Changing something is difficult, and changing yourself sounds even daunting. However, A) if you desperately long / for a change in yourself and can visualize it, B) if you are willing to take bold steps, and C) if you are committed to tangible action items, you can bring about personal change — no matter how hard it is.
Frankly speaking, while I looks like now an extrovert, I am still fighting fiercely with my shyness every moment. But now, I know how to win the battle.
I hope that my personal story today is intriguing and inspiring to keep you to your New Year’s Resolutions.
Bring it on 2021!
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